Count Your Blessings, Day.. um.. 17

Been a quite some time since I have written one of my CYB posts. It's not that I'm not thankful for anything, just been very preoccupied by some other thoughts, namely, working out a scene that kept playing over in my head. I finally finished it. Not totally sure I am happy with the way it wrapped up because I am feeling like I pushed it to be done.

But, I will say, something that I am incredibly thankful for is writing. My dad gave me a really awesome compliment a few weeks ago, and that has kind of stuck with me over the last few days, pushing me to be write more. My wife has been pretty excited to see me start heading into the creative realm of my writing again. A lot of that started with my taking up this blog.

As a kid, I use to have a bunch of ideas about stories and I was always afraid to share them. Never felt I was good enough, never felt that my stories had any merit. So I wrote them for myself and a select few who I would let read them. I still struggle with that today, usually about my blog, saying something about something I wrote, then immediately following it up with, 'not that you need to read it' as a way of saying I won't be hurt if you haven't.

It's funny, I say that, but the truth is, I really do want people to read my stuff. Why else would I write it? I want them to be entertained, I want them to be provoked to deeper thought, I want them to tell me that they enjoyed it. That's ok, right? Not prideful? (seriously, something I struggle with that I am working on).

But, anyway, I hope you enjoy reading what I write. I hope you leave comments or like the posts. But most of all, I hope you keep coming back.

Cause, I guess, what I really am thankful for is you, for giving me your time.
(And your obvious awesome taste in literature).

Count Your Blessings, Day 14

Family

Relationships are pretty much at the core of who I am as a person. My ministry to the youth and to others really involves building relationships and adding value to other people through those connections. So, it should come as no surprise to anyone that family is pretty important to me.

I have been blessed with a pretty great family. Married in 1990 to the woman that I call my best friend. I have often said that I wouldn't want anyone else in my foxhole, a reference to both the struggle and war that is life and the reliability and tenacity of my wife.

In 1992, we had a son, and then we were three. Ben, (BJ as he was called til he was about 5) was a spirited kid. He and I have almost always been at odds. His mother says it's because we are too much alike. I think it's more the case of a son wanting to spread his wings and a father too proud to admit he doesn't want to let go too quickly.

In 1994, Taylor became the baby of the family. Admittedly, I have always gotten along with her much easier then with Ben. It's not because I love her more, (Ben often in the past has claimed that to be the case) it's just that.. well, with a daughter, a dad get's to be the hero, the protector, the big bear. I got all that with Taylor, and then some. (I am proud to say, her boyfriend is totally scared of me.. Hoo YAH!)

Family was so important to me, I made career choices to make sure I stayed near my extended family. My side and Heather's side. I gave up a career in the Navy because I didn't want to miss out on my kids lives, I wanted to be there for them as they grew up. That was a choice that was more difficult then many will ever know. So, in 1997, I hung up my uniform and came home.

It was just us four for a while, with our parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters nearby.

Then, in the course of 12 years, that list started to shorten. First, Heather's grandmother, then my step-father. My brother, my cousin, my mom, Heather's mom, Heather's best friend, Heather's dad, my uncle (those are just the highlights, I really don't want to delve to deep into that list, as it tends to engulf me.)

Then in 2013, we got the chance to add someone new to our family. Ben married Krista. It was nice having an addition. It was nice we got a chance to rejoice instead of remorse. It was nice.

So, today, we are at 5. I'm still waiting on number 6. Still looking forward to the day I get to meet my granddaughter (yep, still holding on to that one) or grandson. The day I get to scare to death the young man brave enough to ask me for my daughter's hand in marriage. (Seriously, that is going to so much fun).

I am looking forward to more family. To more hello's.

And to spoiling my grandchildren at every opportunity. 

Cause, that's what you have grandkids for, right?

Count Your Blessings, Day 13

Ultimate Frisbee

I am so thankful for this game. For the last few months, the youth of 4one have been playing it prior to our Sunday afternoon service, and then again after the service is over. So, for something like an hour to an hour and a half, every Sunday, I have been out on the field, chucking that plastic disc, sprinting around to make the plays, and slowly dying as I realize how old I am.

Every Monday, my body reminds me that I am 43. My knees hurt, my shoulder tends to be sore or in pain. (Oddly, not my throwing shoulder, my other one, but that's an injury story for another time). My feet sometimes hurt too, but that really depends on whether I was wearing my boots or barefoot while playing. (I have started wearing my sneakers, so.. shush.)

It usually takes me about 4 days to recover, so that I am no longer limping at least. So that by Friday I am mostly feeling normal again. Just in enough time to hit the weekend and prep for whatever honeydew I have on my list. So Saturday is filled with this or that, and tends to be my day of rest (without pain).

All in enough time to get ready to do it again on Sunday.

Cause, you know....

It's Ultimate Frisbee.

And I just gotsta play!

Count Your Blessings, Day 12

Bell and Bear

Isabel and Elsie. Bell and Bear. My nieces.

God help them.

Actually, they are pretty cool. (I think they get that from me, yeah, that's it.) But the reason I am thankful for them is that through out the last few years, well, I have had the privileged of watching them grow up. From Elsie's "I don't like you, you smelly." phase, to Isabel's telling awesome stories about what's going on in her day at school.

I don't get to see them every day, but there are afternoons where they show up after school to work. Sure, somedays they become the background noise (who am I kidding, like they could be background noise) to what I am doing. But then there are those days when they come over, give me a hug, and just start talking to me, telling me about whatever topic has fancied their interest today.

As I get older, it's easy to forget the simpleness of being a kid. Granted, to them, it's not so simple, but from the perspective that I have as an adult, I do long for the days, sometimes, of the only care in the world being whether or not I colored in the lines, or where the biggest drama I had was whether so-and-so liked me as a friend, or whether lunch was going to be something I actually liked eating.

So, for a few brief moments, every few days, I get that privilege, as I get to view the world through their eyes. Filled with wonder, excitement, expectation, hope, and awe. Oh, and the laughter. Let's not forget about the laughter. Again, something as an adult, I think I forget to experience enough of.

I am blessed to get to watch these two girls grow up, even if it's only in short snapshots. Although, I think snapshots works for me right now. I'm not so sure I could handle them all the time.

After all, they are Henrichs'.

Count Your Blessings, Day 11

Maddie

Dad and Maddie at Dinner

I'm really thankful for this woman in the photo above. Her name is Maddie, and honestly I think she is one of the best things to happen to my dad. Not only that, but she has been a real blessing to my family as well.

She's a mom of three girls, a grandmother of three, and from what I can tell, she has done a wonderful job of raising them. I'm told she is in constant contact with them, a fact my dad relays to me with a tinge of jealousy because, as he has said, it is something he would like to have with his sons. So right there, positive influence toward family. (A huge plus in my book)

Not only that, but the last few years her and my dad have been together, she has become such a welcome addition to our family. She has invited us into her life. Sure, she is with my dad, so that would be natural, but, she has done it in a way that is inviting, encouraging, and makes me feel like my family belongs as a part of hers. That takes effort, and she has shown that effort in a heart-felt way.

She has attended several of my children's milestone moments. Graduations, band concerts, my son's wedding. It's not her attendance that stands out, but that she truly wants to be there for those moments. When my wife and I started taking care of my father-in-law as he battled cancer, Maddie reached out to Heather, willing to help her walk through bureaucratic red-tap, to be a listening ear, or just to encourage her.

Back in February, my wife and I went on a cruise. In a word, it was glorious. Eight days away from everything. The first vacation Heather and I have actually ever taken in our 23 years of marriage. As I have said in a previous post, it was a great chance to have some time with my dad, to talk, to play ping-pong (I totally won btw), and to just get to know him for the man that he is today.

All thanks to Maddie. (I'm sure my dad had something to do with it, but, come on, let's be honest here, we know all that planning and what not, yeah, that was all Maddie).

Maddie, thanks for not only caring about my dad, but for caring about us too. Things like that are what set you apart from most people.

Struggles in writing #CYB

Somebody asked me the other day why my blog's have started to taper off, asking me, you mean you ran out of things to be thankful for? She said this in jest, but the point kind of stuck with me. Several days later, I am still mulling over that thought.

It's not that I don't have more to be thankful for. I actually have a life filled with things to be thankful for. But that right there, that's the problem. I have THINGS to be thankful for. Now don't get me wrong, I could go on and on about the things, several of my previous posts were about just those things.

But, that is where my struggle starts. I don't want to be thankful for things. I want to be thankful for the people in my life. I want to be thankful for the happenings of my day. I want to be thankful for the important stuff. Family, friends, my kids, my cats, the way a sunset looks after a rain.

No, the struggle isn't in finding those things. Ok, honestly, sometimes it is. The struggle is more in my own head about who am I thankful for today and then the thought happens. What if I offend so and so by writing about this person first. And then I'm stuck.

It's no secret, I don't like rejection. It's been a lifelong struggle that I have dealt with, and on more then one occasion it has caused me to shut down and not even attempt something. But I'm trying to stare it in the face, and am making up my mind that I am going to just write. So call this my framing of future posts, that I am not in any way attempting to prioritize the importance of the order of my blessings, but merely writing.

Ok, well, that's true except for the first post. She's totes my number 1. Totes.

Count Your Blessings, Day 10

Krista Joy

It's been just under 3 years. 

May 29th, 2011.

Granted, I knew her before this, but that is the day that, in my head, marks the real first day that Krista came into our lives. That was the Sunday of the "Awkward Introduction". (If you don't know about that, feel free to ask either of them.) And on that day, unbeknownst to Heather and I, we got the answer to a prayer we started praying years ago.

You see, a long time ago, my wife and I started praying for our children's spouses. What we prayed for specifically isn't really the point, but ultimately it boiled down to someone that would compliment them in the life that God was calling them too.

Krista has been that woman for Ben. Someone to push him when he needs to be pushed, someone to stand with him when he needs support, someone to fight with him when he needs to be corrected, and someone to love him when he doesn't feel like he can be. I'm proud to call her my daughter-in-law, and the best compliment I know how to give to her is that she reminds me of my wife.

Ultimately, she loves my son, and that right there is more then an answer to prayer, it's more then something to be thankful for, it's kind of a miracle.

Count Your Blessings, Day 9

Siblings

I have two brothers. One older, Robby, and one younger, Ryan.

Yep, I'm the middle kid, explains a lot, right? Well, at least helps explain a few things, if nothing else.

Anywho...

I'm thankful for my brothers, although I haven't always been that way. In our younger years, there was a lot of rivalry, a lot of fighting, and just a general amount of chicanery that would cause our parents no small amount of problems. 

In short, we were boys.

And the trouble we would get into. I have found memories of not getting caught for a large part of what we did wrong. Things that I would recall here, however, I'm not so sure the statute of limitations has expired on some of them. Needless to say, we were mischievous and ornery.

Rob and Ryan always had a good relationship, at least as far as I could tell. However, I was the odd man out. Ryan would cry out that I was hitting him when I was sitting across the room, because he knew Rob would come in and break it up by beating me up. Rob would torture the two of us, just because, you know.. older brother. It caused it's own sort of rending in my relationship with them.

It wasn't until I was 35 that I really had the chance to get to know each of them. Unfortunately, it took him getting cancer for me to place that relationship as a priority, and honestly, if it weren't for my aunt making me go take him munchkins every morning while he was at the hospital, I'm not so sure I would have actually taken the time on my own. He was only 31, he had a lifetime in front of him, I could just get to that later.

But God had a different plan. 6 months later my brother succumbed to the cancer that had ravaged his body. I watched him slowly deteriorate, getting worse as it metastasized into his brain, taking away his ability to walk, causing his eye to close. I watched as my older brother stepped in and took care of him with the physical things he could no longer do. That bond they had from their younger years re-emerging, but this time, I was apart of what was going on.

Since then, Rob and I have had a much better relationship. Something about losing a brother makes you realize how short life is, and what the really important things are. Sure, on the surface, it seems to be all about video or board games, but, as anyone with brothers knows, there is always more to those conversations then what is on the surface.

So, today, I'm thankful for my brothers. 

Tomorrow is a different subject. :D

Count Your Blessings, Day 8

Photos

Collage of Todd

As some of you may have experienced today, I kind of had a moment where I tagged a bunch of my photos and probably overloaded your notifications on Google+, sorry about that.

But over the last couple of days, I have been going through my photos looking for things that I have been inspired by, thankful for, or just to reflect what I wanted to write about. In the process of doing that, I have had the opportunity to look back through several years worth of photos. Some of them I really didn't like seeing again, like the ones of my mom when she was sick or my younger brother when he was in hospice. There were a few that were awkward, seeing people you haven't seen in a long time and you kind maybe possibly let that relationship slip further away, on accident.

But overall, it's was a really neat thing to go through them. I got to re-live my children when they were younger. 

I have to admit, I miss my daughter being younger. 

My son on the other hand, I am so thankful that he no longer has that hair.

 Oh, so very thankful.

The fun of photos is that I get to see how I have changed and how the world around me has changed also. Except my wife, she just seems to stay the same. I got to see the kids from the last 10 years of our youth program and look at some of the fun things we have done with them. Kids we were close too, some who just showed up from time to time, but our's none the less. A lot of those kids have graduated and gone on to college, the military, or just life. Some have gotten married. Some are getting married. Some have had kids of their own. Some even stay in touch with me just to remind me how old I am getting.

But, it's always fun to visit the past, to enjoy and savor moments that you may have forgotten. To see some of those mistakes and hopefully realize you are better for them, or at least learned from them. To see some of the good times and remember those moments and how they touched your life.

Photos have a way of transporting us to those times, and allow us to remember things, some good, some bad, but all a part of us, captured in a moment in time, to be viewed every once in a while.

Ultimately, I have a sort of time machine. No, I can't go into the future, but I can visit the past, and even though I can't change any of the past, I honestly don't think I would want to. 

I am who I am today because of all of those snapshots.

The good, the bad, and even the blurry.

Count Your Blessings, Day 7

My Bobbleheads

Yeah, I know... 

Weird.

But hey, sometimes, it's the little things in life that you overlook. And well, these guys, they sure are little.

Right now I have about a dozen or so bobbleheads that I have bought or been given. Most of them are stored away in my closet since I moved into my new office at the house and haven't quite found the best place for them.

They are goofy.. well, actually, I don't have a Goofy one yet, I do have Bilbo, Boba, Yoda, Chewie, Chuck,(he totes talks, btw), a Storm Trooper, a Jawa, and a Tuskan raider, along with two ity bity ones (R2-D2 and C3PO). My newest ones are Iron Man and Sheldon.

Ok, after typing all that out, I might have a small problem.. 

But when the world gets weird, and I get all stressed out, there is not much that is sillier then bopping one of these on the head and watching them jiggle.

Yeah, maybe I need help.

But until then... 

Bobble On!

Count Your Blessings, Day 6

My Mom

It's been just over 6 years since my mom passed away. I will say, there are very few days that pass by that I don't still think about her. For those who don't know her, all I can say is, you missed an awesome woman. Although time has a way of romanticizing our pasts, I can honestly say, I still hold her in my memories the way I remember her. She was a loving woman, but, she loved you in her way. 

You see, the things I remember about my mom are not those memories of getting hurt and her kissing my boo-boo, or having a struggle with something and her helping me out of it. She was the kind of woman that didn't have a lot of mercy to share, but she had heart. Oh, did she have heart. Nothing would stop her or keep her down. I like to tell my kids how she would listen to me complain about something wrong in my marriage, then she would look at me and say "Shut up, you have a good wife, now go home."

I'm thankful for her tenacity. 

I watched her struggle a lot of her life, with one thing or another, but she just kept on trudging along. 

Her second husband died suddenly of a heart attack, and she just kept trudging along. 

She was diagnosed with cancer, and she just didn't have time for that, so she kept on trudging along.

Her youngest son was diagnosed with cancer and she just trudged along.

He passed away 6 months later.. and.. she broke. I think it was the first time I ever really saw my mom cry, and I had no idea what to do. So I did what I could, and just loved her how I knew best. I still wonder if it was enough.

A little over a year later, on January 7th, 2008, just after midnight, my mom passed away. I lost a friend that night, someone that I looked up too, someone I cared for more then I think I could ever admit. It still hurts to think about her, it still hurts when I just really want to talk to her. It hurts to think she never got the chance to watch my children graduate, she wasn't there to see Ben get married, she won't be there the day Taylor does. 

But I'm thankful for the time I had with her, the relationship we had, and that the emotions I have for her are still so strong that I have had to stop several times because I couldn't see due to the tears.

Most of all, I'm thankful she is my mom.

Miss you, mom.

Count Your Blessings, Day 5

My Dad

The last dozen or so years have been a strain on Heather and I as far as family and friends go. We seem to have reached an age where we are saying more good-byes then hello's. A large part of what I'm dealing with, and why I am writing this blog, has to do with that. But, one hello that I have really enjoyed has been having the opportunity to get to know my dad.

Dad on the top of Mt. Britton tower in El Yunque Park, Puerto Rico

For a lot of years, we didn't really have a relationship to speak of, and I could say this or that, or blame this or that, but the reality is, I made a choice to not have one, to not press through my own hurt, real or imagined, to get to know him. Heather, in her quiet like way, pressed and prodded me to take every chance and opportunity to bridge the distance between him and I, and I, kicking and screaming at times even though I knew she was right, appreciate that she never backed down from this.

In the last 8 or so years, my dad and I have covered a lot of ground, rebuilding our relationship as father and son and I have learned a lot about the man that for years was a giant mystery. He likes to fish, he plays the guitar, he is an accomplished news guy with several Emmy's under his belt, he has a warped sense of humor, he had a pretty messed up childhood, he tried to do the best he could as he saw things, and yet he has his faults, mistakes, the things he would have done differently, choices he would have made another way...

In short, he was just like me.

It's been really cool having him as an active part of my life, and I am grateful that we both took the chance to walk down this road together. I can't imagine how difficult it has been for him, but for that, I'm thankful. Life is too short to not to take the risk of getting to know someone as well as you can, especially when they are your family.

I'd just like to finish by saying that with all of the goodbyes I have said in the last few years, this has been a hello that I am truly blessed by.

Count Your Blessings, Day 4

Mike & Kelly Olive

Mike&Kelly (circa 2000-ish)

Ok, there is a real good possibility that I am going to get in trouble for this post. Mainly cause, well, this is an older photo of the two of them, and they might try to hunt me down for sharing it (again).

But, when I look back on my life and I see the 16 year old me, I see a kid that was lost, lonely, angry, bitter, on the verge of suicide, and so walled in by my own defenses that it took God sending these two people into my life to finally get through to me. I'm 43 now, married to a beautiful woman(Day 1), I have two kids of my own (see Day 3 for more on them) and I work in youth ministry, reaching out to kids that are more like me then I even care to admit. I truly believe, none of that would have happened if not for one weekend when I was invited to play volleyball at a youth group, and upon walking in, Mike stepped up, introduced himself, and just made me feel like I was the most important kid in the room. I'll never forget that night.

See, unbeknownst to Mike, he started something by reaching out to me that would become my mission and ministry in life. Over the next few months, Mike and Kelly took time out of their lives and just ministered to me how much God loved me and in that time I found a place that I belonged, I found a purpose in my life, I found hope. Most importantly, I found out who I am in Christ.

All because two people cared enough to invest in a 16 year old kid who could never repay them. 

Mike and Kelly... Olive you guys more then you could ever know. Thank you for allowing God to use you to change the life, future and eternity of one lost kid.

Mike&Kelly (circa 2014)

Count Your Blessings, Day 3

My children.

Todd, Taylor, & Ben

From time to time (ok, a lot of the time), I take it for granted that I happen to be the dad of two pretty awesome kids. Yes, they have their issues, but considering who their dad is, they didn't turn out all that bad.

Both are incredibly gifted musicians, playing several instruments each, but the saxophone is the one they have in common. Ben can sing, and I hear my daughter can also (although, I am thinking this is more like the Unicorn or Leprechaun, as I have yet to see truth behind these rumors.) They both have a heart to serve God, and from what I can tell, doing their best to be the best that they can be.

Even though they have had their struggles, I am very proud of the young man and woman they have grown into, and looking forward to the future when they step into the new roles, my son as a dad (he got married in 2013 to a pretty great young lady) and my daughter as a wife and then a mother. Yeah, that'll make me a grandfather, but, seriously, how lucky are those kids going to be? Right?

Anywho..

 Life in general is not easy, but these two.. Ben and Taylor.. they have taken the challenge, stepped up to the plate and have given it a good try. Success or failure do not define a person, only how you deal with either outcome.

So, to my son Ben, and to my daughter Taylor, I have loved watching you grow up, and I have enjoyed being a part of your life, but you are more of a blessing to me then I ever think I could be to you. You make me proud.

Count Your Blessings, Day 2

Clouds.

Yep, clouds.

I know, sounds like a weird thing to be thankful for, but, sometimes, when the world just get's too noisy, I find myself getting lost in the clouds.

And honestly, we have some great clouds here where I live. From the puffy light grey ones that just stroll across the sky, to the broken up white ones that ride high in the upper atmosphere, breaking up the expansive blue.

However, my favorite clouds of all? Storm clouds. Those ominously dark, large clouds that just swallow up the entirety of the horizon with the looming threat of causing a downpour of biblical proportions. The way the lightning plays across them, rolling from one side to the other, like an electric ballet with music unheard. As a kid, I would sit in the window and just watch the storm clouds, and get lost in thought and wonder, and like I said before, that's something I still find myself doing.

So, today, I count clouds as a blessing.

Yep.

Clouds.

Count Your Blessings, Day 1.

Life is full of things that we can look at as negatives. Every time you turn your head, something is trying to bring you down, someone is trying to make their problem your problem, or we just get so wrapped up in the thoughts in our own heads we make mountains out of mole hills. As of late, these have been the things that I have been focusing on, so, today, I'm changing all that, or at least, going to give everything I can to change that. Today I want to start focusing on the blessings in my life, and what better way then to start with the largest blessing I have ever received

.

My wife has been someone that has stood by me for 23 years. Not only by me, but with me. She has seen my darkest of days and my crowning achievements. She has been my biggest critic (next to myself, of course) and my largest fan. She challenges me to be a better man and won't take my trite answers as ok. She doesn't except the mediocre from me, and even though this sometimes evolves into a fight, she is willing to fight with me, knowing that in the fight she might get hurt, but to her, I'm worth it.

I really don't understand why God could bless me with such an amazing woman, or what I have ever done for her that would make her put up with me for this long. But because of her, I am a truly blessed man, even if I forget that a lot of the time.

I can't think of anyone else I would want in my foxhole with me.

Thank you Heather, for being you.




He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Prov 18:22

Starting a new thing.. again.

It's been about 3 years since I last posted anything to this blog. I doubt I had any readers before, and I don't think I will have any after I am done. However, in the last three years, a lot has happened, and in the last year, most of that has collided to create a catastrohpic episode of self implosion. I have become obsessed, to the point of total fixation, on my mortality. As a Christian, you would think, knowing who I am in Christ and what eternity really has in store for me, that this would not be such a huge issue. Yet, no matter how hard I have tried to get my eyes off of it, every time I turn around, there it is. Death has become a pre-occupation, and it has turned the simplest of pains into the most dreaded outcome possible. Anxiety has grasped me, and I don't know how to shake it free. To that end, I had a thought, that to combat the worry, anxiety, and fixation of the negative that I seem to have spiraled into, I would take the next 30 days, every day, and write about something I am thankful for, or in other words, counting my blessings. So, here I am, a Christian of over 25 years, struggling with things you wouldn't think I should, being honest and real, and using my blog to journal the process of trying to overcome this place in my life. If nothing else, this should be an interesting experiment.