The World is Too Loud

So, here is an interesting problem that has popped up over the last few days:

The world has become like stupid levels of noisy. It's like that scene in "Man of Steel" where Clark starts to hear all the world at once and it is driving him crazy, so he goes and locks himself in a closet till his mom comes and tells him to quiet the noise.

Except, I'm not Superman. (seriously, I'm not.. cause, you know... I'm BATMAN!)*

Ok, silliness aside, I can't remember if I have ever experienced this before. Normally, I like the activity, the commotion and the hectic-ness of life. I thrive in the hurricane of chaos. I enjoy being in the middle of the social storm.

And now, normal conversations are happening around me and I just want them all to shut up. I can hear them talking and just want to close my eyes and find a quiet place.

I  find it weird that I, the one a lot of people see as the social guy, am looking for the exit in a room or a quiet place to go to be away from everyone.

The really sad part...even then, it's still not quiet. The noise that is going on inside of me is still there.

So, if as of late I seem to be a bit disconnected, more irritated then usual, or I am avoiding you..it could just be all the noise, so don't be offended.

Granted, it could be you.

Ehh, it's probably just all the noise.

*Ok, fine, maybe I'm not Batman, but.. I am the Avenger's!

Count Your Blessings, Day.. um.. 17

Been a quite some time since I have written one of my CYB posts. It's not that I'm not thankful for anything, just been very preoccupied by some other thoughts, namely, working out a scene that kept playing over in my head. I finally finished it. Not totally sure I am happy with the way it wrapped up because I am feeling like I pushed it to be done.

But, I will say, something that I am incredibly thankful for is writing. My dad gave me a really awesome compliment a few weeks ago, and that has kind of stuck with me over the last few days, pushing me to be write more. My wife has been pretty excited to see me start heading into the creative realm of my writing again. A lot of that started with my taking up this blog.

As a kid, I use to have a bunch of ideas about stories and I was always afraid to share them. Never felt I was good enough, never felt that my stories had any merit. So I wrote them for myself and a select few who I would let read them. I still struggle with that today, usually about my blog, saying something about something I wrote, then immediately following it up with, 'not that you need to read it' as a way of saying I won't be hurt if you haven't.

It's funny, I say that, but the truth is, I really do want people to read my stuff. Why else would I write it? I want them to be entertained, I want them to be provoked to deeper thought, I want them to tell me that they enjoyed it. That's ok, right? Not prideful? (seriously, something I struggle with that I am working on).

But, anyway, I hope you enjoy reading what I write. I hope you leave comments or like the posts. But most of all, I hope you keep coming back.

Cause, I guess, what I really am thankful for is you, for giving me your time.
(And your obvious awesome taste in literature).

Fake it...

About a week ago, I saw the movie "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty", and although it isn't the short story I know and love, I found the movie to be phenomenal. One of the first movies in a long time that I wouldn't mind owning. The music, the scenery, the style, the story. I just enjoyed watching it.

And then, just a few days ago, I was watching a TED video by Amy Cuddy about body language. In that video, she used the phrase "Fake it till you make it", a phrase that I am sure most of us have heard before and some of us have even attempted.

Really, she does a better job of explaining it then I do, plus, her story is incredibly heroic and inspiring, so instead of me telling you, go take 21 minutes and watch what she has to say..

I'll wait for you to get back.

Like, right?!

As I was writing the original post for this blog today, it occurred to me... "Isn't that what Walter Mitty did?" He faked it til he became it. #Epiphany. #Mind Blown. (Did I just seriously hash-tag my own blog??)

Walter Mitty and Amy Cuddy showed me something a bit about myself. That is that I have always dreamed about being something, but I've never really taken the steps to achieve those dreams. Not really really. I've been faking it but never really moving, just sitting in one place. Finding one reason or another to let those slip by. A lot like Walter's day dreams.

Movement was missing. So I have decided for the time being, I'm going to fake it till I become it by moving forward, smiling more, focusing on those few things that I can do and take care of, and letting the rest just, well... letting the rest just be whatever it is going to be.

Because, isn't that really what Walter Mitty did?

And with that, I will leave you with a song that has become kind of my anthem recently. If you need me, I'll be looking for Negative 25.

Count Your Blessings, Day 16

Class of 2014

Over the weekend, several of the students I have gotten to know over the last few years graduated. They finished the long journey toward their High School Diploma's, and achieved a pretty awesome goal. I just wanted to take a few moments to honor their hard work, to let them know I was proud of their accomplishment, and to let them know that.. well.. this is just the beginning.

I saw their photos posted on Facebook, attended a party, distributed what has become known as 'The Standard Gift from Todd", and got to celebrate with them.

So, to you.. Class of 2014, I say...

Congratulations!

Now,

Go out and conquer the world!

The Deafening Sound of Quiet

Those moments I can focus are so very precious to me right now.

If only, during those moments, the noise of this deafening silence would quiet down.

I stand in a dark room, looking for solace, waiting for the moment of anxiety to pass, for my heart rate to come down...

To just feel

Normal

 for a few brief seconds.

I pray.

Then, my eyes adjust to the darkness, and from the light through the crack at the bottom of the door, I can see the world starting to invade into my moment.

So I close my eyes. I bow my head. I sink to the floor.
         I wrap my arms around my knees and I breath out.
                   I hold tightly to my moment, not wanting to let it go.


And there it went.

And the world is back.

The chatter, the noise, the constant level of go.

And I sink a bit further into the mud as I hear the the gnashing of the world's teeth.

...

...

Deep breath.

Back to the grind.