Thursday, October 30, 2014
Midnight Snack
The fridge called out to me, beckoning through the dark night.My hunger needed to be satiated, ice cream would set things right.I padded down the hallway leaving every light undone. Entering the kitchen, my prize would soon be won. Quietly I stepped, one step in front of the next, til finally I stood on the verge of the apex.My final step would prove fatal to my cause, as upon the cat I stepped and he swiped with his claws. I cried out in pain as tears welled in my eyes, my wife would now know my cheating from my howls and my cries.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Monday, October 27, 2014
Friday, October 24, 2014
R.E.D. Friday, Patriotism
In honor of the men and women who are currently deployed, I bring you this bit of patriotism.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Confessions
There are things that I want to write that I don’t.
There are times when a thought comes to my mind and I mull it over, flipping it this way and that, tearing it apart and think to myself,
“Self, that would be awesome.. but…”
And yes, I do actually call myself ‘self’ when I am talking to.. um..myself.
Myself (just had to do it one more time).
I had this conversation with my wife the other day after I had written a piece that was very intense, but included thoughts that would just not be acceptable by the group of people who I associate with. It was real, it was gritty, it was intense.
It was erased.
I felt.. I don’t know. I felt wrong? I guess that’s the word I should use. Like if I posted this piece people would judge me or look at me differently, or disassociate with me.. or associate my writing with a walking away from my beliefs.
I’m not.
Just so you know.
I still believe in Jesus. I still have faith in what He did for me on the cross, the tomb and the rest. I’m not angry at God, the church, or the people of the church, and I still go at least every Sunday.
But… therein lies the issue. I have been a volunteer youth minister for most of my adult life. I lead my current churches youth group for over 3 years. I have students who, I assume, still look up to me. But I want to be real in my writing.
For instance, right now, I am struggling with even posting this, so if you are reading this, well, I won.. lost.. or.. something.. that particular battle. Will it go to my Facebook, Twitter, or any of the other social media hubs that I post my work on? I don’t know. (FYI, I’m writing this at 3:08 on Friday, October 10th.. so… )
Am I wrong for having this desire for freedom in my expression? Am I wrong for not wanting to be the stumbling block that may cause some of my students to look at me (or God) different? Am I wrong for even thinking (or being arrogant enough to think) that I could cause that?
I’ve thought about creating a pen name. Well, actually, I should say I have thought about finally using the name I came up with years ago. I just don’t know if that is the answer or a cop-out.
Granted, I don’t even know if I am good enough to have to worry about that, cause who knows if anyone actually reads my stuff. (no, that’s not self-loathing or a call for comfort, just a reality check on my ego.. of sorts)
Maybe I just put too much pressure on myself… wouldn’t be the first time in my life I had an over inflated sense of self. I don’t think I do it on purpose, but it’s more out of a sense of responsibility… a responsibility that I take very seriously. At least, I think I do.
I know others have done it. Merged their faith with their writing, and have been successful at it. I just don’t know how to do it and remain true to me.. the writing.. the idea… something like that.
(the following part was added today 10/23)
I’ve had several days to stew over this, still not sure if I should post it. It’s pretty open about my struggles and, as I have said, I know people I know read this.. (I know, I know, too many knows…)… I’m a little more at rest inside myself these last few days, almost as if just admitting this has been cathartic (question, is that a combination of catholic and cardiac? Like the way I assume one would feel going into a confessional? anyway…)
In the end I think I have to just come to terms with It is going to be what it is going to be. And if I am happy with what it is, than that should be ok.
Now, anyone got any advice on how to be happy with my own writing?
Seriously? Anyone?
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Putting One in the “W” Column
There are days we all just need a win. One to put up in the “W” column, so that we feel like we have actually accomplished something. I tend to have a lot of days where that just doesn’t happen. I’m not sure if it’s because my “W” column is too difficult, I feel defeated most days, I focus too much on the negative, or if I just don’t have what a clearly defined definition for what a win is.
(Ok, I really hated typing that last one)
So, in an effort to define ‘winning’, here we go…
I think the prospect of winning is grand. I also think that the summation of our lives is the total aspect at which we should measure it. That being said, obviously, we can not truly know whether or not we arrived at it. The why is simple. We will be dead, and in that is it really our’s to figure out whether we are successful.
At that point, I think the default should be in the eyes of those closest to us: our spouse; our children; those we call family (even though technically they aren’t blood related). So I beg the question, why shouldn’t we put that definition into their hands now? Wouldn’t that relieve us of the fallibility of our own personal criticism? In essence, allowing us to live life the way it should be lived, for others.
I know, I know, for others?
That seems so…un-selfish…
It goes against everything that everyone has ever told you about winning. In order to win, you have to be the one in the spotlight, you have to be the one in the center, on the top, at the front. Have you ever noticed, those in the front, at the top, or in the spotlight, are the ones that everyone else is trying to take out in order to take over their spot. That doesn’t sound very fun to me. A dog eat dog world, indeed.
But what happens, if instead of trying to be the best, we helped out everyone else. Opened up literal and proverbial doors for those who can’t, giving up our moment in the spotlight to let someone else shine, or sharing ourselves to the betterment of others.
I can tell you what will happen. You will stop measuring success by your accomplishments and start leaving a legacy for those who come after you. No, there may never be a book about your life, you may not get that star on the walk of fame, and you may never be mentioned in the annals of time, but in reality, so few people do.
Nay I say to those trivial pursuits. Instead, you will be the man or woman who made a difference in the lives of people. Accolades be damned, let my praises be sung for a generation or two, spoken highly because of the impact on a life I made.
In the end, that is something we can all do.
Now that’s one for the “W” column.
http://psibrone.wordpress.com/2014/10/21/the_win_column/Monday, October 20, 2014
Here Lies Death
I have heard the following quote used by many people over the course of my life:
“A coward dies a thousand times before his death, but the valiant taste of death but once. It seems to me most strange that men should fear, seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.” ― William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar
Might I just say, I totally disagree with it. Emphatically.
Sure, Ye Ole Billy boy was implying the statement to a soldier in battle, but even then, this is romanticized at best. To say that a brave soul only tastes death once, obviously invoking the physical death meaning, and yet the coward dies a thousand times? Obviously we are not speaking of physical death here, which makes the argument one of apples and oranges, therefore invalidating the statement as a whole.
Sorry Will.
I believe we all think about our mortality on a normal basis. When we aren’t paying attention and almost rear-end the car in front of us, that awkward pain you feel that sends you into a panic, or that one particular moment where every second of your life flashes in front of your eyes. For some of us, we can move beyond that. For people like me, we get stuck there for a much longer time.
It’s all the same though. For a moment, for a minute, for longer, we think about death. We think about the would have, could have, should haves. We evaluate where we are. Then we carry on.
Eventually.
No, I think Will had it backwards. I think the brave taste death a thousand times. The coward, they face death and it beats them. Then they run from it at every chance they get. Or end it.
It takes a brave person to live. It takes a brave person to go on. It takes a brave person to account for who they are, recognize, and then do something about it… in spite of death.
Physical death comes for us all. Once.
There is enough out there trying to stop us from living. Death just does it in a more permanent manner. So my advice to you (and even more so, to myself) is to shout out:
Live Till Your Dead!
Friday, October 17, 2014
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Inequality
Nothing is equal.
We are neither born that way and we do not die that way.
It seems, however, that everything else in the middle is fair ground.
As if, for some reason, we should all move toward the middle ground of what normal is.
That just seems dumb.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Rescue
Drowning in a sea of people
Surrounded by life, but dead inside.
Alone in a crowd
Alone.
Smiles on the outside,
Ever reaching, never connecting, cut off…
Isolated…
Abandoned.
Who will go the extra step?
Push past the fluff and get to the hurt.
Shackles hold fast,
Pulling me back.
Can’t reach out,
Too afraid.
Held by fear.
Rejection.
Who
will
rescue
me?
Touche!
“Avante Garde!” She cried out as she took her stance. I stared at her, my epee lowered.
“What?” I said incredulously.
She lowered her epee also, stood up straight and said, “Avante Garde?”
I shook my head. “Avante Garde? Really? That’s what you just said?’
“Yes, is it wrong?”
“Did you mean to say ‘En Garde’?” I let the tip of my blade touch the floor.
“Is that what they say?”
I smirked through my mask. “Yes, it’s en garde. That’s French for, on your guard.”
“So, what is avante garde? I know I have heard people say that before.” Her voice got meek as she spoke.
“Avante garde is more about doing something that other people haven’t quite caught onto.”
“Oh, so, like starting something new?”
“Exactly.” I replied, satisfied that she finally understood. “So, shall we continue with the lesson?”
She nodded, raised her blade back up, took her stance and said in a clear, crisp tone…
“Avante Garde!”
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Monday, October 13, 2014
Sunday, October 12, 2014
New Medications
There I was, in the doctor’s office. I hate doctor’s offices by the way, nothing good ever seems to happen in them. Even when you are healthy they tend to make you think you might not be. Mind you, I actually like my doctor, he is a pretty cool guy, serves in the reserves (which bolsters his cool level with me) and has a really good attitude, so i guess I shouldn’t complain all too much.
But still…
Doctor.
Anywho…there i was, the nurse person (same person who did my weight.. yep, same visit) was taking my vitals and everything seemed to be okay when she turns to me and asks that question that they ask at every doctors visit I have been to.
“Are you allergic to any medication?”
Now, me being in a snarky mood already due to the previous conversation about my weight, fired back almost immediately…
“Not yet. But they keep making new ones, so it really is just a matter of time.”
She looked at me with a sideways glance, marked on the record (I’m assuming here she marked no), and walked to the door saying “The doctor will be in shortly.”
I don’t think I won a new fan on that day.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Weird Al says it Best
I know it’s already made it’s run, but this video is just so much fun.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
I Wear (Real) Boots
I have recently started walking around with a small composition book that my daughter bought me. I have this affinity toward them, and I really don’t know why. It isn’t from my childhood, because, I never used them, and I really hate keeping notes in them because once I get done writing in them, I tend to never look back at it.
Well, that was until recently… when I started carrying the book.. which I feel is a tad redundant at this point….
Anywho.
I started jotting down some of the conversations and thoughts I have. Almost as if peering into my brain and storing those things for later use. These seems like a pretty good practice, as it gives me a chance to share with you the craziness that is my mind.
So.. buckle up.. and prepare to be mentally vomited on with things that catch my attention.
First up, I had a doctor’s visit yesterday. A follow up to another visit.. which was a follow up to my surgery.. which is making me think this is some kind of scheme to make money off of me… I’ll have to think about that more later.
But earlier in the morning I had weighed myself, which is something I have been doing as I am trying to lose weight. Or at least eat better.. or something I guess that I am suppose to be doing because my wife apparently likes having me around so I need to live longer. Upon stepping on the scale, I weighed in at 212. Woot… down 2 pounds from last week.
Now, I do this in the morning, right after my shower, so it is sans pretty much everything (sorry for that mental image), and as that is my ritual, it gives me a fairly accurate assessment of my weight loss (or gain) progress.
Skip forward to my doctor’s visit at 4:30 in the afternoon. I step on the scale, fully dressed, and it says I am 224 pounds. First, I think that scale lies. Lies so bad. Secondly, I was wearing my boots. As I stepped off the scale and started walking back toward the room I was to have my appointment in, I make the following comment:
“Guess I shouldn’t have worn my boots today.”
The nurse (or person in scrubs that was doing my medical whoo haa who I just assume is a nurse) looks at me and says, “Well, we will take 3 pounds off for clothing.”
3 pounds???
Seriously?
I had a major objection toward that, and in my defense of my recent loss of over 2 pounds, I stated such. “I wish one of my boots weighed less the 3 pounds.” She looked at me as if I was seriously bringing this up. Then she looked down at my boots.
“Really?” she asked incredulously. (ok, I might have just taken it that way) And I was like..”I’m a boot wearer.Not one of those city slicker types that wear those half boots with zippers, but an honest to God, country boy boot wearer.” The kind you see all those cowboys wearing back in the 1800’s as they kicked piles of cow patties and wrestled cows and branded them, and rode horse back.. and a bunch of other things I just don’t do, other than wear boots that is.
She just shook her head and took my blood pressure and pulse, which oddly enough, were not elevated at all.
Next time, I’m wearing my flip flops.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Time Changes
I stand at the edge of insanity.
To move forward or backward,
Is to change who I have become.
To stand still, stagnation.
Death it shall be!
Monday, October 6, 2014
Along Came A Pun
This morning, I received an email from my dad with the following puns. As with Haiku’s, you just have to share them when they are good, right? (Or even bad, those are the best ones) Feel free to groan as you read through them.
PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it
was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to
the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at
him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and
heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says
‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Haiku’s
I did not write these, but re-posting them because I do enjoy good Haiku’s.
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
——————————————–
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
——————————————–
Windows crashed again.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
——————————————–
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
——————————————–
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
——————————————–
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
——————————————–
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
——————————————–
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
——————————————–
Having been erased,
The document you’re seeking
Must now be retyped.
——————————————–
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
From Mikey’s funnies
Friday, October 3, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Counting Spoons
Wednesday. A new adventure, filled with possibilities. Everyday, having to carefully count how much I can give. Spoons. Someone suggested I use them to count what I can give. Today cost too much. What do I have left for tomorrow?
Fibromyalgia sucks.